Let me start with a story about something that happened in my own life while I was reading Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World by Kristen Welch. One afternoon, I was sitting on the sofa, taking a little rest after doing my chores for the day, when I received a text from my 13-year-old son: “The bus driver missed our street AGAIN.” He had been spending an hour on the bus every afternoon because the driver consistently missed the turn on to our street, only coming back at the end of her route to drop him off last. I had been telling him to be patient and give her grace. It wasn’t going to kill him to ride around the neighborhood a bit. But on this particular day, I failed to practice what I had been preaching. I texted back, “Get off at the next stop. I’m coming to get you.”
I hopped in my big, red Ford Explorer and went to find the bus. When he spotted my Mom-mobile, my son slipped off the bus with a group of other kids. We drove home, but as we pulled into the driveway, my darling child realized he’d left his binder on the bus. This is the binder that has ALL his assignments, notes, and worksheets for ALL of his classes. So, I did what any desperate mother would do – I pulled out of the driveway and went in search of the bus AGAIN. We were still in front of our house when it came barreling down the street. We flagged it down. My son jumped out of the car and went to plead his case with the driver and retrieve his binder from the bus. Meanwhile, a couple of cars pulled up behind me, and I realized I was blocking traffic. I headed down the street, planning to turn around in my neighbor’s driveway, when I heard the horrible sound of something crashing into my car. I had no idea what had collided with me. After the traffic cleared and I turned around, I saw my son standing on our front lawn, holding his binder in one hand, and our mailbox in the other.
“How on earth did I hit our mailbox?!” I wondered aloud. Once I parked my car, I got out to assess the damage. Two small scratches and a tiny dent. Not that big a deal. But how did it happen? I hadn’t gone off the road. How did I hit the mailbox? And why was the damage on the rear passenger door? Then it hit me (no pun intended) – when my son got out of the car, he had left his door open! I was driving down the road with the door wide open!!! No wonder it hit our mailbox! So now I’m the crazy lady who sacrificed her car and her mailbox to ensure her son and his binder would get off the bus no sooner than if she had simply stayed home and waited for him on her comfy sofa. Clearly, I need to review these ten takeaways from Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World, beginning with…
1. Allow your kids to solve problems independently.
Don’t rush to bail them out! They don’t always need you to rescue them. (In my defense, I’d like to point out that I refrained from bringing my son’s lunchbox to school when he forgot it at home a couple of weeks before the mailbox incident. He was able to get pizza at the school’s cafeteria. Problem solved!) Teach your kids to be responsible. Learning to be independent makes a child less likely to grow up with an entitlement mentality.
2. Require your kids to work.
Household chores and other hard work help kids develop a strong work ethic. When kids share the workload, it eliminates the expectation that Mom and Dad will do it all. If kids are paid for some of their work, it also helps them learn the value of money.
3. Manage expectations.
In addition to workload, parents must help kids manage expectations around material things, rewards, and success. Our kids need to know that sometimes they won’t get a goody bag at the birthday party. Sometimes their sports team won’t receive a trophy. Sometimes they will fail, and that’s okay.
4. Give your kids a proper perspective.
If you live in an affluent suburb, give your kids an opportunity to visit a low-income area in a city, a rural area, or even another country. We all have a tendency to compare what we have to what others have. Comparing with our wealthy neighbors fosters envy, but considering our less fortunate friends cultivates gratitude and generosity.
5. Encourage your kids to serve others.
As I mentioned above, we can give our kids opportunities to serve in low-income areas, but service can happen anywhere, anytime. Help your kids find ways to serve their family members, friends, teachers, and neighbors. Allow your children to observe as you demonstrate acts of service in your own life.
6. Practice gratitude.
Create gratitude rituals that will become habits for your family. This could include writing in gratitude journals, naming what you’re grateful for over dinner, or offering prayers of thanksgiving at bedtime.
7. Have the courage to say no.
Allowing kids to have their way all the time leads to an attitude of entitlement. As parents, we often give in to our kids’ demands because we feel too tired or busy or guilty to say no. But teaching our kids to deal with some disappointment and unhappiness prepares them to be adults who can handle life’s ups and downs.
8. Be willing to be different.
Live according to your family’s values even when your choices are unpopular with the world. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Kids need to learn how it feels to go against the flow of our culture, where instant gratification and entitlement are often the norm.
9. Keep Christ as the focus of your family.
Creating a Christ-centered home ensures that it won’t be a self-centered or child-centered home. (Note: It doesn’t ensure that there won’t be struggles!) Christianity gives us a framework for promoting selfless behavior and renouncing entitlement. The Bible teaches there’s a difference between right and wrong, and our choices matter. As kids grow up, parents aren’t always there to guide them. Jesus Christ will be their guide.
10. Give grace to your kids (and yourself).
As we require obedience from our children, we must be ready to handle their disobedience and failures with grace. As we enforce consequences, we must do it for the purpose of correcting and instructing them, not shaming them. Every misstep is an opportunity to teach a lesson. This goes for parents as well! Each parenting mistake is an opportunity for us to learn and grow. I certainly learned a lesson the day my car door connected with my mailbox! Fortunately, there is grace for all of us – parents and kids alike.
